Sunday, September 6, 2009

What a breakfast!

Wow, that was tasty!

Guess what I had for breakfast. It's a really strange concoction of things; makes me wonder who came up with it.

I'll give you the recipe, just in case you want to try it.

First you gather a bunch of seeds from a very tall specie of grass. Smash these seeds into powder and set them aside.

Then, find a cow with a nursing calf. You must chase the calf away and steal a portion of the milk from the lactating mother. This can be tricky!

Let's see, what else?

Oh yeah, Find some other seed grains, smash those up too and save the oily stuff you get.

OK, that's enough to start. You will need some white mineral, usually found below ground or in dry lake beds, but I'll let you worry about that one.

Take some of the powder from the first grass seeds, mix it with water, then let it sit around 'till it ferments and starts to smell. This may take a while; be patient.

Once it gets smelly, mix in more smashed seed powder and some milk from the angry  cow, stir it up and let it sit overnight. Sorry, but you have to wait. I never said this was easy.

The next morning, take your smelly, bubbling mix and add the following: -one unhatched chicken (the mother chicken will be about as happy with you as the mother cow was), -some more oily stuff (I used some squeezed from a certain mediterranean tree fruit, you may use what you like), -another white powder (You'll probably have to buy this one; I have no idea what it is. They call it "baking soda" and I think it's found laying around volcanoes).

Mix it all up and pour into a hot skillet. The skillet needs more of that oily stuff, or you could just melt a hunk of fat from a pig. Either way, pour it into the hot oil and leave it there until it looks like it's starting to burn. Flip it over and partially burn the other side too. Then remove and put on a plate.

Before eating, pour on some tree sap. Make sure you use sap from the proper tree or it will taste like...well, it will taste like the tree. Since you are not a beaver, you want it to taste like...well, like the smelly, smashed seedy, stolen milky, white minerally, unhatched chicken-y thing that you're after.

This was a lot of work, so enjoy it!